Thursday, August 21, 2008

Sports: The Worst Olympic Event Ever


What the fuck has our society come to? Until today I thought that the clearest sign of the decay of our society was that people spend time watching other people driving in circles - but nothing could prepare me for what I saw this afternoon.

I was watching T.V. earlier today and when I flicked over to the Olympics, I was appalled to see what looked like a group of 30 or so women speed walking in the rain. I rubbed my eyes because I didn't think that this group of wet, over-the-hill, mall-walkers could possibly be passing themselves off as Olympians. It seemed impossible to me that our society could award someone a medal for walking. I mean my grandma can walk, I can walk, toddlers can walk - What I'm getting at is that its kind of strange to honor someone for doing something that literally everyone can do - Jumping a pole vault is impressive - Doing a double back flip between uneven bars is really impressive - Walking is just pedestrian, in the most literal sense.

I became saddened when Bob Costas confirmed my worst fears - I was indeed watching the women's 20k speed walk - and worse, there were medals involved. What is most incredible about this whole "event" is that someone somewhere had to propose to an Olympic committee they should honor someone who speed walks for a half an hour with a medal equal in stature to the athlete that runs a marathon - and an entire room of people agreed with that moron. What's more, a television executive at MSNBC thought that people would be interested in watching what can only be described as the slowest and least interesting race imaginable. I would honestly rather watch Michael Phelps make a salad for a half an hour than that shit. If they can have a gold medal for walking, I want my gold medals for sleeping, smoking, and eating.